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Change is in the Air

Published by Twyla E. Brooks under on 1:01 AM
I may have mentioned this in an earlier post, but I'm not really a fan of change. Much to my embarrassment, I have a very rigid personality on top of being stubborn. They aren't very pleasant qualities and the Lord knows how to test my obedience by forcing me to open my eyes to the real world.

I have been faced with several unexpected and difficult decisions lately, some of which break my heart. Some of them feel over my head and complicated like college. 

I am in the process of choosing between two schools while comparing prices, driving distance, and course material. Plus, I still need to look up grants. :P It's a rather important and expensive decision, so I'd rather make the right choice for what God wants me to do. (Honestly, if I had it my way, I wouldn't even go to college. I'd save my money and get a house or save up for my own little business someday.) Debt is not something I want to carry.


I was just thinking about the apostles and how much change their personal lives went through when Jesus asked them to follow Him. They abandoned what they were doing and followed Him just like that. They left their homes, their families, their jobs, everything. They trusted Him so deeply and yearned to know the Son of God, the Savior of the earth, that they left their lives behind them in order to create a new life through Jesus. That is so incredible and inspiring to me, but I've always wondered in the farthest corners of my mind whether I would have done the same. In my head I think, "Yeah! Who wouldn't follow Him? He's Jesus, for goodness sakes! Of course I would." But that's in my mind... in my mind I'm really awesome and brave. In reality I'm a coward.

Sometimes I feel like the rich man when Jesus asked him to sell all his things and follow Him--hesitant. I am so comfortable being with my family and pets, my job and co-workers, and my friends. I am a person of habit and planning. Some days I can be spontaneous, but often times I need to plan out what I'm doing during the week. If Jesus asked me right here, right now, "Come, leave your things and follow me?" I don't know if I could do it or not. It makes me feel so guilty and ashamed inside. Granted, it may be different if He was here in human form again, but I never know for sure. Yes, I have given my life to Christ, but I'm still at my physical home and family. 

Just now I've thought of the quote, "Home is where the heart is" and for Christians isn't "home" Jesus? So wouldn't it be more like, "Jesus is my home whom my heart will follow"? So no matter where the Lord takes me in life I would always be home, right? I wonder if that's how the apostles felt...

I think I may have slipped off topic, but those were some of my thoughts recently.

I don't want to sound hypocritical (especially after this post), but I hope that, you the reader, and I will be able to follow Jesus no matter where He calls us. :) He loves us so deeply that He wants to transform us.




CJ Luck said... @ March 14, 2012 at 1:53 AM

Good post, Twyla. I already went through the college thing, but I'm at a similar stage, just out of college 6 months. I don't know what He wants me to do... but my hope is that when it is apparents what to do next, that I will have the courage and faith to jump on board.

Twyla E. Brooks said... @ March 15, 2012 at 12:10 AM

Thanks, CJ. I, too, wait upon the Lord's insight on my life. Like you I hope I also have the courage. Things continue to change for me lately.

Whatever the Lord brings us to, I know He does it out of love and that it will only draw us closer to Him. We just need to to pray for wisdom to discern HIs lesson instead of counting it as a curse.



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Proverbs 16:9

"In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."