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God Used A Popper to Put Me Back On Track

Published by Twyla E. Brooks under on 8:16 PM
I really must stop apologizing for all my sporadic posts. I'm a college student and my life has become a frenzy of time management (or lack thereof). :P

As the fall semester started, I threw myself headfirst into studying. I spent four to six hours and six days a week studying for four classes. My social life was co-leading a youth group on Wednesday nights and attending Bible Study on Thursday nights. My life has become focused on surviving my first semester and earning good grades, something I didn't pressure myself about as much in high school. 

Despite attending youth group and Bible Study (and church a couple times a month), I didn't do much with my faith. My prayers were brief and often cut off by my stressed thoughts.

Over that time, my lack of initiative in my spiritual life was unconsciously building up in my heart. Many times I ignored it or was completely unaware of it all together. The build up of all those whisperings of God finally became too much for me. 

On top of a lack of sleep over Christmas break, my heart was growing heavily for, at the time, an unknown reason. My usual chipper personality was becoming pessimistic and I blamed my late nights for it. 

It wasn't until two weeks ago that feelings of depression blanketed me. I'm not talking about medically diagnosed depression but the occasional blues the average person will deal with. It made me feel heartsick. It started on a Friday and escalated on Saturday. 

Strangely enough, I ended up on Youtube looking for some popping dance tutorials. I had hopes that some exercise would get some happy endorphins flowing through me. I clicked one of the links. Instead of most videos that jump right to the point, this video had an introduction to the actual tutorial. 

It began with the popper's phone alarm going off and throughout the video, it shows him playing an online game, practicing martial arts, and practicing dancing. Finally at the end, it pans to a new scene where he is sitting on a bench reading his Bible. Throughout the video he writes: 

"I wake up."
"I need to fill my life with something."
"My usual hobbies..."
"...don't seem to cut it."
"At the end of the day..."
"...I always realize that above all,"
"I need you, Jesus."

He then quotes John 7:37-38:

"On the last day and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

At that moment, I had my reality slap. My unhappiness was caused by a lack of fulfillment because I hadn't invested any time or effort into my relationship with God; the Being who created me and the world I live in. I felt truly disappointed in myself. I had unknowingly made school and the Internet an idol. I grabbed my Bible and started to pray out loud. As the words spilled from my leaden heart, tears streamed down my cheeks and soon I was sobbing. I couldn't stop and I didn't want to. As I prayed and repented for my neglect and sins, I could feel the Lord relieving the weight on my heart.

Although, the weight was lighter, I still wasn't happy. I had a couple more good cries that weekend, and I shared what I was struggling against with my family. They were all patient with me as I cried like a child once again, unable to control my emotions. I had a chance to explain my situation to one of my close friends, and she expressed that she was also sharing the same feelings. We mutually decided that we would like to read the Bible from cover to cover together over Skype due to the distance between our colleges. I was grateful to have someone to help support me and in turn I could support her in our faith walks.

Here's some typography that I made to post on my Tumblr. :)
By the time Monday rolled around my emotions had done a 180. I was on top of the world. I had a direction and it made me incredibly joyful. Not only am I going to read the Bible from cover to cover with one of my best friends, I started reading the book of John a couple days ago in the morning before I leave for work. I wake up a 6:00 AM to get ready for work, and to be honest, I'm not an early morning person (I'm kind of a grump). Once I eat breakfast and dress for work, I make time to read a chapter each morning. For the past two days, my heart feels much more fulfilled and my spirit is more serene. 

I am fully aware that our faith in God is not to be based on emotions, but to feel something has been a blessing for me these past couple weeks.

I am still stressed out about getting good grades, avoiding a relapse of anxiety attacks, and keeping up with some social gatherings, but now I am making a point to spend intimate time with the Lord. He should be the center of my life and everything else comes after Him. (Easier said than done, I know)!

I hope that you also find your strength in the Lord. Make the time to seek Him out because He's always there for you. He waited for me, and He'll wait for you too. :)

Also, I am currently on a week long social media fast, and I've realized that it is easier to focus on God when I'm not checking Facebook every 20 seconds and reblogging on Tumblr. I'm think I will make this a monthly ritual to help me keep my center in life. Try it out. It's really refreshing!

Lastly, if you are interested in checking out the video I saw here is the link: Popping Seong Hoon's tutorial .

For the high school students out there, I hope finals go well for you, and for the college students, I hope your first week back is a good one. :) 

I hope everybody has a wonderful night! May God bless you with a joyful heart!

Blessings,

~Twyla




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Proverbs 16:9

"In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

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